2006

 November: The Quest for Freedom

As I understand it – and as I said earlier in the week – everything that exists is an expression of the Source. All that has transpired has been the work of the Source, and any change that happens is the work of the Source, but I can’t conceive how the Source itself is going to change into anything. That’s what you asked, so can you tell me? I’m curious as to why the question arose; it’s not something that would have occurred to me, so you must have had some feelings along these lines. Tell me about them.

The participant: I thought there might be a bigger plan.

But if there’s a bigger plan where does it come from? What is the source of that?

The participant: The Source?

I guess the Source has to be the one constant, doesn’t it? Everything else changes. Maybe this confusion comes because there is an idea that the Source is a thing – something material – but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a potentiality; a capacity to take form. If the Source had a form then in order for something to come from it there would have to be a change of that form. But the Source is formless; it’s not a thing, it’s a capacity to lead to forms. It’s not something that can alter in any way. The only way it might alter is to increase it’s capacity to make forms, and it has this anyway. If it’s a potentiality then this ability is already there; new forms can always emerge from it. It doesn’t make any sense to me that there would be a change in the Source, so you can relax. What a relief to know that the Source is always reliable, and it will never change. If it ever did then we would all be unrecognisable to each other, because if the Source changed then all its expressions would change. Maybe we would have giraffes, rhinoceroses, and all sorts of strange creatures sitting in this room instead of you guys, and then what would we do? That was just a playful answer. Does anyone else want to ask something?

(silence)

A participant: I wondered how the Source reacts to what happens on planet Earth?

It doesn’t. The Source is the origin of everything that there is – including all the terrible things that are going on – but it is not the cause. That’s a big difference. If it were the cause then it would mean that there was an intention to achieve a particular effect – that it wants to have evil people in the world and catastrophes happening. The Source is the origin of all that, which only means that all these things can emerge from it, but there isn’t any intention to achieve anything.

If you hope that the world will become a better place, one in which good will grow and evil will diminish, then to try and destroy or condemn evil is a mistake, because if you challenge what is expressed from the Source then you are challenging the Source itself. Everything is an expression of energy that takes a certain form, and as I see it, the only way evil can change is not through attack, condemnation, or any attempt to annihilate it – which people are trying to do today – but for whoever is expressing that energy to find a different way to express it.

We only really consider evil as far as the human race is concerned. We don’t call a cat that catches a mouse evil. We don’t call a snake – or any other predatory animal that catches its prey and devours it – wrong. We accept that that’s the way things are, but with human beings we look at things differently, because we know that a cat or a snake is never going to change, but somehow we feel a human being can, which, of course, is true.

The only way for energy that is being expressed in a negative way to change is for a change to take place in a person who has the capacity to do so, but that is something that has to happen at the level of expression and not at the level of Source. The Source is just a potentiality; anything can come out of it.

Many murders are committed in the world, and if you study the statistics you will find that quite a large number happen because of jealousy. As long as there’s jealousy and feelings of possessiveness then people are going to freak out, leading to violence and the destruction of that which is causing pain. But having been on the Path for many years – seeing its affect on other people, and moving to new levels inside myself – I see that it is possible to be the same person that you were when you felt jealous and yet not to feel jealous anymore. The situations that used to cause jealousy don’t affect you in the way they did. It is possible for a human being to switch from a negative and destructive emotion to a positive one like love, but this is not possible for animals.

This question is all about the work we are involved in; finding ways to deeper levels of oneself through resonance and receptivity – inputs and waves of energy that come in and create change. This is the path that I advocate and teach. I talked about taking the back streets home; this step by step process towards the basis of existence. During that movement what steadily happens – which I’m sure people have experienced through this work and in other forms too – is that the level of subjectivity shifts, or as I sometimes put it, the centre of gravity changes. By ‘the centre of gravity’ I mean the place that we operate from. Not the Source – unless you are at your Source, then that is where your centre of gravity is – but the point which is the focus of your perspective. If that point shifts then everything changes. The world is the same for us all and yet people see it completely differently, because everything depends on the way that you see things. The central principle of the process of change is not force or discipline, but arriving at a new perspective, one where some of the things that made you act in certain ways are not true for you anymore. Once you see things differently, the way you respond is different. This is the key: where we stand in the infinite possibilities that we live in decides how we see.

When you work with energy and arrive at a place of love, joy, deep silence, freedom or flow – things that you probably don’t feel so much in your daily lives – then you are at a level where these things are simply available. Here in this room we all contribute to making them available to everyone else, and this causes your levels to change. You may find that you are hugging, holding and connecting with someone you may have just met, someone you previously felt indifferent to or even some hostility towards. It’s not magic in the sense that some trick has been played on you that you don’t understand; what has happened is that you have landed at a different level of yourself – as have the people around you – and the centre of gravity has shifted. Of course it tends to shift back, but slowly, as you reinforce this process, you can access these levels without even the support of a seminar.

We are not isolated – nothing is – and a positive outcome of this is that when you move to these more universal levels you get supported by them, because they exists everywhere. It’s not that you just land in a nice place inside yourself, or even a nice place in the group, but that the level you arrive at is supported by a vibration of energy that is present everywhere. It’s like a universal plateau of a certain kind of energy. It’s quite hard to find that on your own, and normal life doesn’t take place on that level at all. In normal life everyone is individual, separate, and has their own desires, ambitions, views, judgements and prejudices. Because we’ve lived for many years in that kind of environment it’s easy to fall back in to it, even reluctantly, because that’s where we fit. You have to be a hero, really, to find your way out of that trap, and establish yourself on a universal level.

(silence)

A participant: There is a theory that says that we decide everything; each moment we decide what we want to do in our lives. Somebody else says that the future is already written – in our hands, or in the stars – so we don’t have to do anything. Which is the truth?

The first is obviously not true; you don’t decide when you’re going to meet the person you will fall in love with, you don’t decide when you’re going to die, and you didn’t decide when you were born – unless you did it in some other cosmos. You don’t deicide when you’re going to get ill; you don’t go to the Doctor and he says, “My God, you’re very ill,” and you say, “It’s okay, I decided to have this yesterday, but maybe tomorrow I’ll take it away again.” So we know that view is nonsense.

Then to say everything is written already, that it is all fate… (Michael drinks some water) I had no choice but to drink this water! I didn’t really want it, but fate said that at seven o’clock on the twenty-forth of November, Michael Barnett will have to drink a drop of water! It also says I have to walk forward and pour a little bit on your head. (uproarious laughter while Michael pours some water on the questioner’s head) I’m innocent! I’m just an instrument in fate’s hands! Such a view is also nonsense. Your two poles are very broad; there’s a lot of space in between where a lot of subtle things going on. Amid these two extremes you have to feel for yourself what is true.

(silence)

I will just add one thing to the puzzle of how far we are free to make decisions for ourselves and how much we are just the printout of some cosmic computer. When you have a sense of being what you truly are you feel that you have no choice anymore; not because it’s fate, and not because you don’t have freedom, but because you are already exactly who you are – as a tree is – and if you are going to be true to yourself then that is what you do and how you behave. Going along with the experience of having no real choice other than to be what you feel yourself to be is the feeling that you actually feel the most free – at least it certainly is for me. It’s a paradox; I have no choice, I have to be the way I am, yet when I do so I feel absolutely free. It sounds like a contradiction but it’s not. I’m free from all the machinations of the mind and society. I’m free of telling myself that I can’t do this, I can’t do that, that I have to behave in a certain way and that everyone has to approve. It is how I am; if I say, “Yes” to myself then I have no choice other than to be this way. In those timeless periods when this is the case it is absolutely clear to me that I have no choice whatsoever, yet I know that it is freedom.

A participant: These levels which we fall down – is there a bottom to them?

Yes, there’s a bottom, but you can’t touch it. The finger points to it, and you can follow the finger, but the finger doesn’t touch it, though you can still receive from it. This is what I was outlining in a talk earlier in the week, that the ground of true spontaneity is an output that we can allow to live in us. We haven’t actually reached it, but what would be the point in reaching it? If you touch it then you are outside form, and you’re not human anymore. The Source, but its nature, is formless – It’s just a potentiality – and if you go into it then it’s ‘bye bye’ to you, which you might not be that happy about! What’s the point of disappearing into the Source? If you touch it then it’s like touching high voltage electricity and you will fizzle out, so there’s no need to do that. Just let go of all your determinations that have come from your teachings, belief systems, and social conventions. Then you are open – free of all that – and you get the feeling that by being true to yourself the Source is working through you and spontaneity is happening. I think that for a human being that is perfection. Maybe when you’ve lived your last life and have awakened to your true nature then you disappear into the Source – if it’s at all true about successive lives – but you can’t be alive and in the Source at the same time.

A participant: I’m a bit astonished that it’s so nice to move my body without doing anything – just letting the movement come. I was wondering whether it is possible that I’m looking inside somewhere…

(interrupting) So is that fate that’s moving your hand? You said you’re not deciding to do it, so is it fate?

The participant: I did not decide, no.

It’s very beautiful though?

The participant: Yes it is.

So you’re free of what? Excuse me, I’m not stopping you from asking your question, but I just want to link it to what we’ve been talking about.

The participant: Yes, I’m trying to link it too.

Oh, you were going to talk about that anyway.

The participant: (pauses) Um, I’m lost now.

I took her question away. That was very rude of me, I’m sorry.

The participant: That’s okay.

It’s very familiar for the hands to move by themselves in the seminars. Some people feel a great fear when this first happens to them. Sometimes people find that it’s not just their hands moving, but that the whole body has rearranged. Suddenly the body is triggered and they roll around on the ground. When this happens some people panic and start to scream because they think, “I haven’t decided to do this!” But a lot of people feel as you do; “What a relief to find that I don’t actually have to decide what to do.”

The participant: I am wondering if it is possible to do the same with my inner parts, like my talking and feeling – though ‘do’ is the wrong word.

The movements that happen – as many people have found this week – can be part of an expression of an energy movement, or part of a process of getting out of ‘the control’. In life we control ourselves so that we don’t do something we’ll regret or that other people wouldn’t like, and in the seminars that control can be released. When this happens there’s not really a pure movement but a reaction; it’s as if you’ve got out of prison and you jump for joy. When such movements happen they are not what I call spontaneous movements, but they are the result of taking away the restrictions and holdings.

The same grace can happen when you have already freed yourself from controls, and when this happens a movement or gesture will be a true spontaneous movement from the Source. Then the movement is not against anything; it’s not a ‘freeing of’. Often when I see people moving I see that they are freeing themselves from control – and that’s very beautiful – but what I’m talking about now is a little bit different. Not a freeing movement, but an expression of the Source.

The participant: The movement is free in itself?

Yes.

The participant: And can that be with talking, and doing other things you may have to do?

Yes, it can be with anything. You could suddenly find you are walking in a way you have never walked before; it’s as if something is walking you, or dancing you.

I’ve always had dancing in my groups – though less these days than I used to. I’ve seen that for the first ten or twelve groups someone may have a certain style of dancing, and that all of a sudden they begin dancing in a way that I no longer recognise. It’s as if they have freed themselves from the regularity of the way that they dance, eat or smile and something else is coming from the Source directly. Often it won’t be that different, because the way that we act originally comes from the Source but we have modified it and made it stiff, but when what I’m describing happens, you feel, “Ah, my God, this is fresh!” It’s no longer familiar. That’s a hint: if it feels unfamiliar, then it could be the Source.

The participant: In the Bible it says, “See, I make all things new.” Is that what we are talking about?

Yes, we are.

The participant: That’s beautiful.

There are many fantastic statements in the Bible, and that’s one of them. “Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” What that is saying is, “I don’t belong to myself – not to the self that I know; I belong to the Source.” As with many things in the Bible, if you just change the terms you can see the truth. I don’t use the term ‘God’, but the Source is the same thing; it’s that which is beyond and supports the basis of our existence. It is beauty and it is love, and it is something which we can all embody and share. I’ve read a lot of books about Buddhism – a lot more than I’ve read about Christianity – and it’s this kind of thing I miss; notions of love, relationship, and the whole concept of God – Jesus’ concept of God anyway. It’s very juicy, and not abstract. Buddhism is very abstract.

Anybody else?

Another participant: A few weeks ago I saw that many people find themselves back in the Source just before dying. In that moment there is no choice; you have to let go of everything. This was very beautiful, but then I saw that perhaps everyone can reach this moment, this happiness, before that point.

In India this is called paranivana, where you gain enlightenment at the time of death. They say that if you haven’t got it before you die then death is your opportunity. It’s a let go; most people get to a point where they just say, “Yes.” Many people have told me about seeing their parents dying, and how they seem – not always but often – to just accept what’s happening, relax, smile and say, “Okay.” They manage to let go of everything that’s resisting the reality of the moment, and this is a beautiful time to do it. But if you only become enlightened on your deathbed then you don’t get a chance to enjoy it in life. You may have a chance to enjoy it somewhere else – wherever you may go – but how nice it is to have this experience while you are still alive with your loved ones, friends and the whole world. So, sure, most traditions say you have to die. As somebody said to me last weekend after they went through some process, “I nearly died.” I replied, “Yes, you have to.” I’ve talked about feeling that you’re being lived, and feeling most free when you have no choice. Many people are in this state when they’re dying, the state of letting go of what they are attached to. It’s easy to do that when you’re dying because you have to. It’s harder to do it when you don’t have to; that’s a bigger job, but not too big for you guys! You can do it!

It takes a lot, but if you see – really see – that that’s the way, then you can do it. If you don’t really see this then you’ll never do it. Who’s going to make you? Nobody. You have to see it for yourself. That doesn’t mean that it will happen, but unless you see it’s necessary then it’s very, very unlikely. An accident may cause it – some crisis in your life can throw you – but under normal circumstances you have to see that that’s what is required.

If you are really on the spiritual path – as you guys are – then you have to be a hero or heroine. You have to be, because somewhere inside you know that sooner or later the time will come when you have to say, “Goodbye,” to the identity that you have become attached to and take to be yourself. Doing that takes tremendous courage. All your beliefs, attitudes and protections, all the things that have given you your shape, and all your yeses and your nos, have to go. Then something else can come in that will be unfamiliar to you.

Last weekend I was working with somebody – a lady who had a serious headache, and who’d been having headaches for years. It was a classic session. She was holding a cushion to represent her headache, then I took the cushion and put it to one side. She kept looking it, and said, “I have a strong relationship with this cushion.” Then I took the cushion and put it right outside the group. I said, “What do you feel now?” She replied, “A deep sadness; a deep sadness that I’ve lost my headache.” So I gave her another cushion and said, “This is your sadness.” She took it and held on to it, then I put that outside the group as well. Again I asked her, “What do you feel now?” She replied, “Lostness.”

Then I gave her three cushions to represent these things: the headache, the sadness, and the lostness. “My God,” she said, “I’m really stuck.” Then I got her to stand on the last cushion – the lostness – and asked her, “What happens if you step off the cushion, and go beyond the lostness?” She couldn’t move. Her right foot wouldn’t move; she tried to move it and nothing happened. Then finally her left foot moved and she stood there, went out into the garden and came back. I asked her, “What do you feel now?” She said, “Great strength, and great freedom, but I’m afraid that I’m not going to be reliable in my life anymore. I’m not going to be able to fit in with it.”

These are the typical stages. On the first cushion there is the headache. Life is a headache. Everybody’s life is a fucking headache, at some times more than at others. So what are you protecting? You’re holding on to it, and you don’t want to let it go. You’re on the spiritual path but still you don’t want to let it go, and yet underneath there is a feeling that if it was taken away from you then sadness would come; a feeling of “My God, what am I going to do now?”

The sadness is also the feeling that if the life that you’ve been living is not real then you’ve been wasting your time. That’s a great sadness. You suddenly see, “My God, I’ve been doing it all wrong,” and then this sadness comes. But if you take away the sadness then you’re lost; you’re nobody. You don’t know who you are or what to do. It is only when you go beyond that that you suddenly find the Source of energy. In this place there is strength and power. Beyond all the identifications – all the clinging onto this or that – there is emptiness, and out of that comes the power of the Source. It takes a lot of courage to do this. Okay we have to stop now, we’re already one minute late!

Q & A from a weekend seminar in Belgium, 24th November 2006